Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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