you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
