weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
