I'm jealous of your bromance
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize
