Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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