no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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