I'm laying in your front yard are you home
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
