I'm eating all of the evidence.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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