You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
