I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
