The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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