Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
