I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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