It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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