I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
