It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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