i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
