I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
