I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
