i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
