He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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