Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
