were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
