I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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