i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
