Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
