I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
