The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
