How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
i now understand why vodka
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
