So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
