How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
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