He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
