everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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