please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
