Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
