Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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