apparently the secret to your success is patron
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
