The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
