I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
