the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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