I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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