Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
it's great music for shaving your balls
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
