You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
