"it" just moved
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
