oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
