She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
