he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
