shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Acid is not a monday night drug
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
