Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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