you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
