DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Randomize
