There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
