It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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