That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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