So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
