Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
