M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
